Tool: Interesting Point of View
This blog was written from an episode of The Misfit Squad Podcast! To listen to the full episode, go HERE.
Hello everyone! This blog was written in the midst of Holidays in 2020. Many of us endure difficult conversations around this time. Do you ever wish there was a fast forward button out of those? Or what about an “easy” button that you could press to not have to deal with it? That’s what today’s blog is all about - an interpersonal tool to give you more ease during a time of great division and differing opinions. What is Interesting Point of View? Or for short, IPOV? And, how can we put it into practice?
IPOV is the tool that we use to get present with what's really ours and what's not ours and how to deal with that. We talk a lot about being space, having ease with things and about not being at the effect of things. This is the tool that you use to help you with that - to become like a rock in the stream, where the water just flows around you.
Imagine there's a rock or you're the rock in a flowing stream or river of water. The rock is very jagged, and has lots of points on it. The points represent your points of view or the perspective you’re taking in life. The more when you're just being a rock, in allowance, and you allow the water to run over the rock, the more those points go away. They become worn off from the water. That's being in the allowance, when everything is just interesting, and being the space of ease.
Have you ever met someone who has lots of points of views? Or is very, what we might call, judgmental? In this analogy, they might look like a cliff in that stream - they’re very jagged. Having many points makes it very difficult for the water to flow around them. It stops, gets stuck, and has to work very hard to find ways to flow. Imagine trying to have a conversation with somebody like that. You have to work very hard not to run into one of those points and get stuck, or worse - poked! It’s very challenging.
So, being the rock in the stream and just allowing the water to flow over you and around you, lets everybody else’s stuff - their points of views, their judgments, their anger - just flow around you. That doesn’t mean you become a doormat. You are in allowance and it's just interesting what people are choosing. It also doesn't have to make one of you right or wrong or good or bad, it's just that you both get to have your own choice and your own point of view. Not only will this make having a conversation with you much easier, you will also find it more tolerable if you find yourself talking to someone who is constantly asserting their points of views - and asking others to do the same.
Another key piece of this is what most people desire in conversation - they want to hear their opinion come out of your mouth. When did the most important part of conversation become changing the other person’s mind? What happened to, “Seek to understand, not to be understood,”? Society teaches us to either align and agree with someone, or to resist and react. Those polarities only allow for agreeing or disagreeing, which leaves no space for question or possibility. What if there is a third option where you don’t have to do either of those things? That’s exactly what IPOV is.
By now you are probably wondering, “Okay, this sounds great, but how do I actually use it??” There are many ways. Here are the key ones:
In conversation: When someone asserts their point of view, they are consciously or unconsciously inviting you to agree or disagree with them. Rather than getting caught up in a heated argument, you can choose to just be space, be in allowance, and be interesting point of view. Lower your barriers and either say out loud to them, “Interesting point of view!” and that’s it. Or, you can say quietly to yourself, “Interesting point of view, they have this point of view.” This gets you out of the polarity and into a new space free of conflict.
With your thoughts: If you find yourself ruminating, or getting really stuck by a thought, you can say to yourself, “Interesting point of view, I have this point of view.” Say it 10 times or until you feel the energy of it start to dissipate. This reminds you that everything is just a point of view - our thoughts aren’t real, they’re just our perspective. This lets you get free of overthinking. Anyone who struggles with this will welcome the peace and quiet!
In conflict: Have you been in an argument lately? It could even have just been a discussion, but it wasn’t exactly pleasant. Did something someone said stick with you, and you can’t let go of it? Think of one person you had this experience with lately and think to yourself, “Interesting point of view I have this point of view that this particular person has this point of view.” If you are still feeling stuck, try, ““Interesting point of view that this person has this point of view. Interesting point of view that I have the point of view that this person has this point of view.” Say it 10 times or until you feel the energy of it start to dissipate. This goes through all the places where there are points of views, either yours or theirs, and lets them go.
This is the first tool that we go to in order to not get stuck by someone's judgment. By using this tool, it gives you the acknowledgement of where the person is functioning from, and allows you to become aware and conscious of other people’s judgments in a different way. This prevents it from getting stuck on you. If you’re an empath, you probably frequently take on other people’s emotions. Now is an especially challenging time because many people are not only experiencing more difficult emotions, they are also projecting them heavily. IPOV is the empath’s key to not getting stuck in others’ emotions, struggles, whatever you want to call it - it’s a tool for freedom.
Remember, you can only give people what they can receive. When somebody says something to you and you try to come back and argue with them or make a point (point of view, anyone? ;) ) you're just putting yourself in that battle of back and forth. Sometimes the best thing you can do is actually allow them to say what they're going to say, lower your barriers, and speak less. Don’t say much - just say “That's interesting.” They can only hear what they're willing to hear, and if they have something to prove, they’re not interested in what you have to say, anyway.
We know this is very different from how most people function. Some people might even find this controversial: “Are you seriously going to allow that person to walk around thinking that way?! Isn’t that terrible? They’re so wrong.” And our answer is: yes! Arguing is not going to change them. You can continue the fight if you want - that’s entirely your choice. But by using IPOV, that actually puts them into question, whether they speak it out loud or not. Questioning their own thoughts and beliefs is what will actually create change. When someone tells you you’re wrong, does that actually make you see the error of your ways? Or does it make you dig your heels in even further, no matter what? Experiment with this tool. Try it if you want, and see what occurs. What source for change are you that you’re not acknowledging? :)