How to Create a Greater Relationship with Your Kids
This blog was written from a transcript of the Misfit Squad Podcast, where Trina Rice and Kim Lucien invite you to embrace your difference and turn what is wrong about you into what is strong about you! Go HERE to check it out.
What if you were willing to receive the judgments of being a bad parent? We often look at what's required to make our kids happy, and lose ourselves in the process. So today we're inviting you to empower not only your kids, but to also empower you.
So how do you do that? What does that mean?
Being a bad parent is interesting. It always pushes so many buttons when we ask people that question. We're not asking you to be a bad parent - we’re just asking you to have the willingness to be judged as one.
It’s a different thing because a lot of choices that you make you make as a parent may not be the choices that other parents are making, or that your parents made, or your family has made, and you could be judged for that. Instead of making their judgments real and true, choose what you know is going to create more for yourself and for your relationship with your children. Choose what you know rather than basing it off of what somebody else said it should look like, be like, or what it has been with your parents in the past. Once you can do this, your relationship with your kids will improve greatly. Here are a few other things you can do to improve your relationship with your children.
1. Have Allowance
Allowance is basically not judging yourself and allowing yourself to choose what you’re going to choose without judgment.
In this blog, we’re talking more specifically about having an allowance for your choices - what you’re willing to choose, the choices you make for you and your family and the allowance for your children’s choices. That means letting them choose whatever it is without judging them or trying to change it.
Easier said than done, we know! Did your parents ever try to control you to make sure you made the right choices? Did they ever have a point of view about what you should and shouldn’t choose? How did that make you feel? What did that create? Did you listen to them and see their wise, wise ways? Or did you rebel at all costs to assert your independence? Remembering that might help you have more allowance for your children’s choices. Can you be willing to let them choose for themselves even if it’s going to momentarily create a “bad situation?”
If they do make that choice, what does their choice create?
What may be right about their choice that you currently are not able to see or acknowledge?
Parenting from allowance and parenting from awareness is the willingness to recognize that you don’t actually have all the answers. You must learn to ask questions, of yourself and of your children, that will allow them (and you!) to become aware of what their choices will create.
You start by asking questions to gain insight:
If my child chooses this, what will that create for them?
If I choose this, what will this create for me? For my family? For my children?
You may have some immediate insights. And, you may not. Do your best not to fill in the answers from your head. If nothing comes to mind, you can jot down a few ideas, but also give it a few days and see what you become aware of. You may get a new piece of information that fills in the gaps for you. When you can do this for yourself, it allows you to ask your children as well to help them see what their choices are creating, now, and in the future.
One example of this is allowing your child to eat whatever they want, rather than what you think they should eat. A friend tried this one time. When she asked her child what he wanted to eat for breakfast, he said ice cream. So she gave him ice cream. When she asked him what he wanted for lunch, he said ice cream. When she asked him what he wanted for dinner, can you guess what he said? When he said ice cream she asked, “Are you sure? Is that what your body really wants?” And he said yes. So he did get ice cream for dinner, and then he also got sick afterwards. That wasn’t what his body wanted, he was just trying to see how much control he had in the situation. The mom took care of him when he was sick that night and he realized that maybe eating 3 meals of ice cream wasn’t his best choice! But once he realized the choice was his, he did actually start listening to his body. Can you imagine what it would be like if you never got disconnected from your body and what it wants to eat?
Allowing your child to choose empowers them to:
Trust their own choices
Realize that if they make a ‘mistake,’ it’s just awareness and they will be alright.
Make their own choices from awareness - which usually means they will make more informed, smarter choices.
Not only that, but this empowers your child to know that they know and to listen to their gut rather than looking to others for guidance. Do you know how huge that will be when they grow up? Imagine if peer pressure had no sway over you as a teenager. At least, when we imagine that, we wish we had been given these tools growing up!
Lastly, please note that allowance does not mean becoming a doormat. It doesn’t mean allowing your child to walk all over you, never saying no, and never stepping in. Sometimes being in allowance is actually saying no. What we’re saying is actually ask a question to see what the choice will create.
2. Destroy, UnCreate & Re-Create your Relationship with your Child Everyday:
We know this can sound scary! Destroy? That is usually a bad word! This doesn’t actually end or destroy the relationship, but it does destroy all the energies and things that aren’t serving you in the relationship. Basically what this tool actually does is it destroys all of the crap we have concluded about them from the day before. It destroys all the “bad stuff” that keeps you from having communion with your child, and from truly being you. It’s destroying and uncreating the limitations and all of the who, what, when, where, how, and why you are with your child, and who, what, when, where, how, and why they are with you. This lets you be on the creative edge of your relationship so that you can create new every single day.
You see, we’re not the same everyday. Who we are today is not who we were last week, even yesterday. We are always learning, changing, growing, and taking in new information. Our ideas change, we form new opinions, our view of the world shifts. Wouldn’t you like to know who your child is today? What are they like? What do they like? If you are always stuck in what they were doing and who they were being yesterday, you miss the person standing right in front of you, showing up, and being them.
This tool is like a magic wand - it wipes the slate clean everyday so you can start fresh. All you have to do to use this tool is say, “I destroy and uncreate my relationship with ____ (my husband, my family, my kids), and everything they were yesterday and everything they will be tomorrow. Everything that is, I let it all go.” The first time we used this tool, we immediately let out a huge deep breath. It was a sigh of relief. It was like letting go of all the resentments we were carrying around with us without even knowing it. If you are more of a visual person, you can imagine you are holding all of this stuff in your arms and then throw it into the air! Throw it to the wind. Imagine you’re a superhero flicking bursts of this stuff away into the clouds. Play with it! Make this tool work for you. Wouldn’t you like to be free? Let it all go!
3. Flow Energy!
The last step that we have to improve your relationship with your kids is something you can use when they are being really needy. You can use this with your kids or really with anyone that is requiring a lot of attention or energy from you. If you always feel really drained when you spend time with someone, flow them energy! If your kids are being needy, flow them energy.
Imagine they have an invisible tank and you are filling it up all the way to the top with energy. The way to do this is ask the energy from the universe, Spirit, God, the wind and the Earth, whatever you believe in, ask it to flow through your body from you and into and through your child. Again imagine filling up their tank, or imagine filling up their whole body with this bright, light energy. Then ask for the energy to establish a continual flow so that you don’t have to think about it. Do this until you feel your heart open up and you feel a connection with the person. Later on you can check in to see if it’s still flowing, and you may see a direct result in the person’s behavior. A friend tried this with her boyfriend and immediately he wasn’t being needy, he was acting more confident, and she wasn’t getting this drained feeling, this feeling like he was pulling on her. We all have needy days - this is one way to help fill that person up when they need a little more. It will also prevent you from feeling frustrated or like you’re going crazy because you “can’t meet all of their needs.”
Also, don’t buy the lie that the more you fill them up, the more drained you will get. Energy is infinite. Everything is energy - literally, that’s been confirmed by science. The energy is flowing through you and into them, and it’s infinite. You’ll never run out of energy to flow. If you are feeling drained, you can also pull energy into your body. Ask the universe to fill you up and flow it out! If you don’t have kids, you can also use this at work with people or clients who are very demanding or asking a lot of you. We have often found that if you flow energy at them, they will go away, at least for a little bit. This will give you more space to do what you need to do.
So to recap, the first part of all of this is to be willing to be judged as a bad parent, but do what you know works best for you and your kids. Then the three steps we shared to improve your relationship with them is to have allowance for your choices and theirs, destroy and uncreate your relationship with them everyday, and flow them energy if they’re being needy. Not coincidentally, these tools will also improve your relationship with your partner or spouse, or with anyone you use them with - even yourself!
Thank you for being on the front lines of raising the next generation!
Do you acknowledge all that you do and how amazing you are?
We see it :)
Until next time!
Trina Rice & Kim Lucien created the Misfit Squad (TM) & the Energetic Signature Formula (TM) to help the different ones, the misfits, the highly energetically aware and those who may be "on the spectrum" who are tired of feeling anxious, stressed and misunderstood how to embrace who they are, identify their strengths, get empowered and feel amazing. Their target is to make your awareness easy to use, to use your awareness for you and not against you and to acknowledge the power of not fitting in & promote empowering dis-abilities into abilities and capacities.
Trina Rice, OTR/L, MBe., CF is the Co-Creator of Energetic Signature Formula. A Master Facilitator & Coach and Best Selling Author. She has been an Occupational Therapist for 25 years working with children, young adults and professionals & is the owner and founder of Harmony Therapeutics, LLC, a successful therapy business for over 15 years.
Kim Lucien is the Co-Creator Energetic Signature. A Conscious Business Extraordinaire. Intuitive Animal Lover, Coach and Best Selling Author. Kim has been working with kids & adults on the autistic spectrum for over 25 years as a coach and includes working with horses to create a greater connection with client’s bodies, surroundings, intuitive awareness & communication. Together they address the energetic connection that exist with awareness to help make ‘sensitivities’ easier to manage and flip what may be thought of as a wrongness into a strong-ness.
The Misfit Squad Podcast